Once Upon a Time, I Didn't Give a Damn

long time no write! I really engrossed on my fanfictions lately lol
oh, and tomorrow will be a Christmas Day! Meri Kuri for those who celebrate it!

so, what bugging me lately is "Mother's Day". Why?
2 days ago was Mother's Day in here Indonesia. And I dedicated it only for my grandma. What? Grandma also mother, right? She's always be my mother.
my real mother? screw her! I didn't put a care anymore, because she's also like that.
this is what I really really regret about my Father's death. Why? Why he has to be gone so early?!
why he left?! I'm lucky not living with my mother.
Father is the only one that I love
He is everything.

Me, as the oldest child here having a lot of responsibilities to do. Of course, after my father's death I should take his role! what she did now?! dumped her children and runaway?!
I don't want to be a daughter that has no thankful feeling toward her mother, but see, who's the one who started it!
there's one day about 2-3 weeks after Papa gone, I went to Jakarta for university's interview test, I should be in calm mode, no? she as a mother should understand it, and we live together 17 years she should know my characters! I, never wanted to be bothered by anything. And she angry, shouting at me saying I'm not a good daughter, never listening her words, blah blah blah, and she threw hard thing to me *laptop's battery if I'm not mistaken*. abusing.... she's abusing me a lot mentally and physically...? I wanted to laugh... laughing so hard... so hard that people might think I'm crazy or mentally ill.. I wanted to laugh...

I shouldn't post this.... what is it? disgrace?
dunno, I just couldn't help to write it..
I'm hurt...
thanks, humanly feeling...
thanks mom, for brought me to this world... for loving me and hating me... for sharing laughter and tears...
for every pore of your skin and beads of sweat struggling for me..
for standing and falling to me..
but this is the best for us, living separately
I know you love me
but whatever it is, you still my mother...
there's no mother who hate her children

I wanted to laugh...
why God punishing me?


I wanted to laugh...

Human Limitation

I begin to hate myself. No, I'm on my limit. Lately I'm so reckless, that what I said. I ended up feeling guilty. I can't take it anymore. Sorry, but I knew there still few that support me to say "it's okay" although it wasn't use. I wanna shout to everyone to listen to me. I'm pathetic, yes. I'm possessive, yes. But I have my own reason.
Thanks.

posted from Bloggeroid